President Trump “goes for the green” in U.N. address

He does the US proud – again!

Donald Trump addressed the United Nations general assembly on Tuesday morning, and, as expected, the speech inspired more than a few giggles. President Trump’s messages are famous for being rambling boasts, filled with factually-inaccurate statistics, nonsensical political stances and cutting insults, and Tuesday’s speech was no different. But, there was a glaring difference between this oration and previous efforts.

Calloway Golf

The oddities were subtle at first. Early on, the president referenced Calloway golf clubs in a clunky metaphor about, “polishing up the heads of state around the world.” The distinguished audience laughed and cocked their heads with confusion, but the leader of the free world continued.

North Korea

After praising his efforts to appease N. Korean leader, Kim Jong-Un, Trump spent several paragraphs comparing the ruthless dictator to a, “dogleg left,” he once encountered at a golf course in Dubai.

“Believe me. When you slice that drive, you’ll end up in the rough, but that’s not what I did with Kim Jong-Un,” the president glowed. “I hooked it onto the fairway, and guess, what. No more missile launches. You’re welcome, world. You’re so, so welcome.”

Since taking office in 2017, President Trump has spent the majority of his presidency on the golf course, but this jarring barrage of analogies seemed strange. So, why the sudden uptick in golf talk?

What a cad-dy?

Shortly after the address concluded, it was discovered that the president had thoughtlessly left his prepared speech on Air Force One. Once arriving at the United Nations, Trump panicked, and feverishly searched for a replacement message. Luckily, Daniel Scavino, Trump’s trusty sidekick and personal golf caddy for the last two decades, was there as a fallback.

The 47-year old Trump ball polisher has claimed to, “always have Donald’s back,” and this day was no different. With a tiny pencil, on a collection of stapled-together scorecards, Scavino wrote the emergency speech and saved the president’s day. It wasn’t the first time he helped turn Donald Trump’s triple bogey into a double, and it likely won’t be the last.